The rogue proteins behind variant CJD, the human form of mad cow disease, have revealed their benign side. Prions, it seems, lie at the heart of a newly discovered form of near-instant evolution that provides life with a third way to adapt to potentially lethal environments. Crucially, it involves neither genetic nor epigenetic changes to DNA.

… In challenging conditions, [Yeast] can instantly churn out hundreds of brand-new and potentially lifesaving proteins from its DNA, all without changing the genes in any way.

“Prions point to a new style of evolution,” New Scientist, February 16, 2012

From the makers of preLife Crystals™, Sea-Baboons™, HamWow™ — the first shammy that is living pigskin — and OxiGene™, we are proud to introduce … MagiMold™, the Insta-evolving™ fungus.

Developed in our labs at PrionTech Corporation, MagiMold™ can transform any old batch of yeast into an urbilaterian — the “it” that evolved into all of us, your cat, your goldfish, the fly you just swatted — almost everything. This “it” has a thousand uses — you decide! Just take a teaspoon of baker’s or brewer’s yeast, add the required drops of MagiMold™, shake, and wait. Right before your eyes a new reproducing form will appear that has no traits…so you can accessorize! By applying selection, anything is possible — your schmoo can become a living carpet, a slug-like creature that will take care of an indoor or outdoor bug problem, a sporulating pet that will amuse the neighbors with its playful antics … anything!

MagiMold™ works because of prions, special proteins that allow a cell to evolve before its DNA does. Then mutation and selection come into play and … the evolved prion-trait becomes fixed. It’s more than genetic. It’s more than epigenetic. It’s Magi-genetic!

Clients who have used MagiMold™ testify to this wonder of nature that’s been harnessed by PrionTech Corporation. Here are just a few of the testimonials we’ve received:

My young son accidentally poured an entire container of MagiMold™ into the swimming pool last spring. Within days we had our own backyard aquarium with all kinds of creature-like things swimming about. By the fall, the pool thingies had disappeared … but so did all the weeds and our neighbor’s horrible dog. Thank you MagiMold™!

Helen B., Lexington SC

As an amateur scientist and young-earth creationist I was skeptical about whether MagiMold™ really works. So I ordered some and tried to follow the instructions, but somehow I got it onto my scalp. Having been bald for most my adult life, I was shocked to see that after about a week a new head of hair had grown — well, it kind of looks like hair. I keep it well fed and it grows luxuriantly. MagiMold™ you’ve made me a new man!

Horace W., Penobscot ME

Don’t wait because supplies are running out! If you call within the next five minutes, we will send you not one, but 2 containers of MagiMold™. That’s not all. We will also send you a pair of HamWow™ shammies along with our newest product, The Pocket Golfer™ — your very own golf course that fits in a pocket. Worth $49.95, you pay only $19.95 + shipping and handling. Call now while supplies last! 555-555-1212.